Hello my lucky readers. You have just been selected to read my newest in, "My mind is wandering so i am taking the time to write something". (Yeah that is the name of the segment that i will do going forward..the name may change as that one doesn't have my Sheldonism to it...Please note that i am not editing this so there may be words missing so just fill them in as your mind reads) Anyhow....I don't know if many of you were so lucky as to see the men or women 100 meter race for the olympics....If you didn't please go to best buy and return your tv now because you are not using it for anything worth it. If you tv stays stuck on news then just return it and go to cnn.com....i just put $500 dollars back in some of your pocket. (Don't you love how this guy slightly insults you while still giving your life altering advice! BRILLIANT) But if you were smart you watched or atleast recorded these races.
Well, I did many many many times(meaning i am brilliant..TBD). My reaction was the same each time.....Jump up and down...add own jamaican bad word here......international jamaican gun shot symbol....do the peppa seed...signal di plane....do di 1 foot skank(not the american version of the word....that would be disgusting..plus i am married...ok i can't take this joke any further else you may stop reading...and my wife may end my writing and collect the 75 cent insurance policy that we got on me(again i just killed myself)).. but you get the point....I was happy or if you are from the islands appy when Bolt smashed the 100 mens. BUT then God saw divine providence and the yardie women SWEPT the 100 meters......My dance routine changed a little to include a bogle! More Fiya!!!! But in my joy i came a few conclusions and i wanted to share these conclusions with you unsuspecting readers.
Blessings of 100 meter win
1. Jamaica got some respect on the track again
2. Proof that you can take 2 liters of blood and still smash a record
3. Jamaica get a new dance called the bolt(did you see da shimmy?)
4. Jamaican reggae artist gets to remix brian mcknight's "one last cry" and dedicate it to Tyson Gay
5. We now know that some chicken nugget and sleep is the perfect prerace meal.
Curses of 100 meter win
1. We get to watch the stupid interviewer listen in vain to usain and shelly-ann(the winners of the races) right after the race. That is when our english no quite kick in yet because we are excited so it is pure patwa..HOW YU MEAN....ME JUS GO SMASH UP DI RACE!! MORE FIYA...[puzzled look on interviewers face]
2. Some idiot parents are gonna misread "Yes man growing up i never had sneakers so i used to race to school barefoot". If you live in the hood areas...(not to name any such locations, but if your city rhymes with crooklyn....you get the picture)
3. Jamaican parents will misread the same thing....and move from wonderful Montego Bay or St. Elizabeth and go to trelawny(where bolt lives) and take away their kids shoes."Shut u mout bwoy...you no se how Bolt run faus....mi want di reward!!....(they actually mean award) [kuff](the sound of kid getting knock in the back of his head...natural yardie reaction)"
4. Biggest curse is that now every jamaican is gonna try to race tyson gay...His life has officially ended. I am telling you the yout that is cook number 2 at Big Up Bashment Pattie Shop or Golden Crust sees tyson on the street it is over. "EH GAY BWOY. Yu B Man!!!....Come race me...You cyan se me...ME A YARDIE..MORE FIYA!!! CHAT BOUT!!"
There may be many more but i just gave you a few that were running through my mind...As you can tell even though i am jamaican i know that we have some short comings...as a matter of I am racing a guy after work for taking my parking spot this morning....If you see a short man running up DC streets bare foot with a jamaican flag wrapped around his neck looking like captain jamaica don't even question who it is.....
Forward this to yardies and crazy people alike.
Respek,
Di Yard Man
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
6 comments:
In all seriousness, I think you "BUNGST" your head when you were a kid!! You need to take 2 steps from the keyboard, grab a hammer and apply "WICKED" blows to it. Please blog about what it looks like, LMAO!!!! Welcome to the blog club.
ROFL! Your are crazy man. I did not see the race cuz we're in the
middle of a Revival and we're fasting from TV. I did tape it thought
and I'll be watching it the moment this revival is over (the Saturday
night). Btw, you look like Tyson Gay from the back.
J-Nix
Dude you need help. Seriously man, there are people out there that can help you with this. And not the ones who whisper 'spliff' or 'ganja' on street corners. Please refrain from your weekly visits to those clowns cuz that's obviously what you've been doing on your drives home from work. I'm talking about people with couches, offices and busts of Sigmund Freud on their desks...
what ah ting, dis man really BUNGST he head fuh real bai. Hey Bolt is really mashing up de place, i can imagine Trillawny (hope the spelling is correct) glistening right now like the glistening water. Jamaica should go on a permanent holiday for the whole rahtid year. Even though i am from the Black water Shores of Guyana, I am proud of what Jamaica is doing in these races.
Bredrin, try not to let your mind stay out there too long, try get it back. I let mine go one day and i have never been the same again, ah does start jumping fuh no reason; sometimes when ah praying, ah does hear a bass drum a tenor pan and a guitar pan mashing up me brain with sweet calypso melody, sometimes ah does start dancing on meh knees so, please tek meh advise and bring back your mind.
what was i thinking taking so long to read this? classic sheldon here. takes me back to the olden days when you used to try to slice your fingers off with the lawnmower (member that?). you were just as crazy back then... i'm praying for elaine.
yuh stupid! Aharon was dying with laughter when he read this.... when will you write another????
Post a Comment